Lost at Sea - 1

S22 W162 54.2 heading 17 knots – South Pacific Ocean

Saturday, 6 December 2008

1. THE DRIVE-BY CRUISE CONTINUES

It was rough seas yesterday but in the 70s. Overnight the seas calmed but thunderstorms light up the sky all night. The partition between my verandah and that of my forward neighbor lost the folded menu shim no doubt installed by a previous occupant of Suite #954 and banged all night. It was a night at sea that sounded like being on the Mayflower, but with better food and a very nice jazz group.

This ship is remarkably stable but for reasons not immediately clear the ship slowed down from 17.5 to 13.0 knots. That meant that for most of the day yesterday we lost 4.5 nautical miles each hour. (You can’t fool pilotage calculations.) That means although we have speed back up to 17 knots, we will not arrive at Rarotonga this afternoon until it would be almost time to leave. The “drive-by cruise” of my Valparaiso to Papeete Silver Shadow segment of two months ago continues where setting foot on Easter and Pitcairn Islands was denied due to an excessive swell for the bobbing cork tenders. So no country #124 for the Cook Islands for me. Of course, I am practicing telling the so-called Guest Relations Manager that I booked the trip specifically to see the Cook Islands and want my money back. He is laughing in anticipation. I am told it snowed 7 inches yesterday in Boulder, and the weather seems to be clearing up for a sea day here, and it’s almost 80 degrees. So sympathy isn’t likely to be given. I’m hoping it will be nice as I get closer to Tahiti and across the equator. Over the years I have missed Fiji due to a typhus epidemic there, Sri Lanka and a tour in the hills of South Yemen because of local civil wars at the time, and Madagascar, one stop at Santorini, and the aforementioned Easter and Pitcairn and now Cook Island stops due to weather. Once we were stranded in Capetown for an extra overnight due to high winds. Oh well. The way of the pilgrim is fraught with travail.

I’m beginning to understand Regent Cruises a little better. They really do provide a lower level of service than I’m used to on “6 Star cruise lines”, but it’s hard to notice unless you’ve been on Silversea or expect the head waiters or bartenders to actually supervise their staff. Bartenders are standing around talking to each other or reading the newspapers and only looking up if a guest goes to the bar and actually asks for a drink. The dining room staff is very rushed and kind of scatterbrained when I tell them about my needing to avoid dairy. The waiter last night ran to a head waiter when I asked if there was any butter in the pasta sauce. But I am enjoying how easy it is to talk with the other guests compared to the bit reserved folks on Silversea. Unfortunately, the conversation is more centered on cruise ship talk (“How to you compare the food on this ship….?”) rather than the more substantial topics on those I do befriend on Silversea. Some of the passengers decorate their cabin doors for heavens sake. Maybe the snooty Silversea crowd isn’t all that bad.

2. PERKS VERSUS PERKS – THE LAUNDRY TROLLS

I do miss the free laundry thing (which is due having accumulated more than 100 days on Silversea). On that line one sends down laundry almost daily and as a consequence packs less and always has everything brought along to wear. On Regent one goes to one of the free laundry rooms but has to deal with the Trolls. These are a number of self appointed elderly women guests who apparently spend the entire day in the guest laundry rooms scheduling the use of the machines and provide an “intimidation service” to men traveling alone. This consists of first strong discouragement (“Sir, all the machines are taken and will be all day.”), then a putdown (“Don’t you have SOMEONE to do this for you?”), and then a patronizing insult, (“You KNOW how to do your own laundry? You will make some woman a good WIFE.”) Washing one’s formal shirts in the cabin’s sink doesn’t work out as the mildew sets in before it dries. This is not a theoretical assessment.

However, my 82 paid for non-lecturing days on Song of Flower in the 1990s and early 2000s entitle me to, 1) 3 hours of satellite calls, 2) free pressing of three (3) garments, and 3) ENTIRELEY FREE Internet access for the whole trip. I’ve already used up three times the maximum of 250 minutes, the amount I husbanded for 35 days on the last Silverseas cruise where they charged $85 for that “discount” package. Frankly, I would have preferred the expensive Internet and the free sent-down laundry service. But again complaints to folks at home aren’t likely to fall on receptive ears.

3. THE TYRANY OF THE ON-BOARD CREDIT

I just solved a problem. My cruise package included a fairly substantial on-board credit that must be spend on the ship or lost. With the broadband/wifi on the ship completely free, and booking only two shore excursion due to having been to Tahiti and having taken the tours so recently, I just can’t send down THAT MUCH laundry. I really didn’t want to book tours to places I’ve already been just to use up the money that way.

But a solution to this problem just occurred to me when I remembered that this ship has a premium drink menu. I can buy Talisker, 18 year Lauvanin, Laproig 12 or 16 etc., for $11. I think I will drink the excess in single malt and now that the Cook Islands stop is cancelled perhaps buy a premium wine for dinner one night. What a good solution. Wish I had thought of it sooner. There’s also a nice $130 jacket in the shop. Oh well. I do like to solve problems someone once told me.

(Editor's note: The $350 on-board credit was eventually disposed of by, a) an additional tour, b) one bottle of premium wine at an additional dinner in the French restaurant on the ship, c) the aforementioned single-malt, and d) miscilaneous purchases in the ship's shops including a heavily discounted wine stopper, a tin of tangerine flavored Altoids, and to bring the total up a roll of Life Savers. The excess onboard billing came to 11 cents which Regent posted to my credit card before I got home from LA.)

4. MECHANICALS

Oh, the speed issue. A number of the repeat guests kept telling me of lost or late ports, missed flights at cruise ends, and shortened port calls on Mariner over the last couple of years. Apparently, a POD is defective. I did notice some expressionless folks onboard, but apparently they are referring to the innovative electric motor/propeller assemblies that hang under the stern and drive the ship. The substantial slowing exhibited yesterday was due to our being considerably underpowered so that the headwind during the rough seas took a considerable toll, slowing us down enough to miss today’s stop in Rarotonga. I had wondered why most of the port stops on this cruise were half days rather than full 8 am to 6 pm port calls. Now I know they were due to a revision of the scheduling due to the lowered speed of the ship. Hey, where’s the Customer Relations Manager’s desk?

On the other hand, my verandah’s partition was fixed while I was having morning coffee and my damaged luggage was repaired by the “ship’s carpenter” to factory new within 24 hours of boarding the ship on Tuesday. Apparently, they have TravelPro spare parts on this ship. This is a good operation with much appeal. Wish they included the free laundry service.

Whoops, it’s almost time for bouillon in the Observation Lounge or is it “Elegant Tea” (meaning no music as opposed to the “Afternoon Tea” in the Horizon Lounge). Some patches of blue sky are appearing. Perhaps I’ll see the Rarotonga as it goes by.